I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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