Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize