If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
