if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
