Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
