just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
