y did u give ur computer a hand job?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
