Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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