Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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