So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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