It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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