Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
