I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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