people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
