Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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