I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
