whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
