I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
