woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could fuck to npr.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
