This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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