He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
