I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Houston, we have a blender
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
