So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
