So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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