I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
