it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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