we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
