my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
