i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
