Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
