Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
