im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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