tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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