Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
