I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
