Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Houston, we have a blender
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
