i wish my penis had a tongue
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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