Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've blown a few things in my day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
