I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
