I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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