It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
