I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
