I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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