I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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