Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
