We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
