...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
