How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
