Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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