All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She needs sedatives and a leash
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
