Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
