i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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