LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
