I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
