Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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