whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
