Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
