There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
