paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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