Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
