I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
