Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
