i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
