I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I believe in your delicious
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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