I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
