I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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