I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
