Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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